Holiday shopping, COVID, family/friend obligations, demands here there and everywhere! When does it all slow down? With the holidays, HOA fees, pending taxes, and other financial obligations; November through April is often a very stressful time for adults.
Keep in mind, stress ramps up for our children too. Not only do they see you stressed and worry about you; they begin to worry about state testing, friendship issues/ connecting with others, being liked by their peers, and other kid issues. Therefore, parents you have to set the tone for your children by first managing your stress.
How do you begin to manage your stress you might be asking? Below are a few quick strategies to help you and that you can teach your child.
- Take 5 - 10 deep breaths—As simple as this practice is, it allows you to pause long enough to effectively problem solve. When you are angry or frustrated, your intelligence drops. Which means, you cannot think rationally and you can’t effectively problem solve. Focus on your breathing, by taking deep inhalations and exhalations. Close your eyes if you prefer. Then relax even if for just a few seconds.
- Practice effective problem solving—there are five key steps to effective problem solving.
- Define the problem or know what the problem is
- Consider your options
- Evaluate and select your best option
- Implement the solution
- Evaluate how your solution worked
- Consider what you are modeling for your children—remember your child is watching your actions. Therefore, whatever you do, your child observes and will usually repeat. Be aware of your actions and be intentional about how you handle your stress as often as possible. When you are angry or frustrated, try to practice effective calming strategies, take a walk, and find ways to deal with the situation. You are not expected to be perfect.
- Know yourself—be attuned to when you need a break from things and people. There is no judgment or shame in taking time for you. Regularly schedule “me time”. Also, know what your triggers are. If behavior issues set you off, allow your spouse or partner to be the primary spokesperson when addressing behavior issues. Or take a time out to calm down. You don’t want to put yourself in a compromising position due to anger.
- Seek support and/or professional help—know when you need assistance in managing your stress. Have a support group—best friend, go to person, spouse, mom/dad, sister, etc. Whomever you lean on when necessary. Also, remember mental health professionals are trained to help you work through any issues you might encounter. Seeing a mental health professional does not mean you are crazy or in need of medicine. It simply means you are wise enough to know you need additional tools to effectively tackle the challenges in your life.
I want to remind you that taking your stress out on your kids is ineffective (it will not minimize your stress at all), damaging to your relationship with your child, and could result in stringent legal consequences (i.e. don’t hit your kids out of anger—DFCS could be called as a result). Practice managing your stress in a way that is effective for you. There are tons of effective ways to do so. Start exploring what works for you!
Article Submission
Mrs. Harris, TMSA School Counselor